Finding out I was pregnant was one of the most exciting days of my life. I remember driving home from work, thinking maybe I should just take a test and see what the results were. To my surprise it was positive! Talk about a whirlwind of emotions! I fell on my knees praying to God right then and there thanking him for his goodness. The days, weeks, and months following would be a continuous battle of emotions.
Pregnancy doesn’t make the pain of infertility go away.
I was happy and excited but so scared and fearful. Pregnancy doesn’t make the pain of infertility go away. I guess that is something that infertility robs you of, the ability to just be thankful for a pregnancy. The ability to just go on as if everything will proceed as normal. I have talked of this before but at our first ultrasound we were told not to get our hopes up as one twin might not make it and every doctors appointment beyond that first one we were holding our breaths praying that everything would work out the way we wanted. We had to worry each appointment, would they both be growing at the same rate, would I gain enough weight to sustain a pregnancy, would I develop gestation diabetes, would my body be able to carry them to term and on and on. I suppose these are the same things that every pregnant woman worries about but after dealing with infertility, I feel like these emotions are heightened. Even after the babies were born, I still felt like something would happen to them, like it was all a dream.
I am so thankful that everything worked out the way it was supposed to and the babies were born healthy and were born at term for a twin pregnancy. Now that the twins are here, it is still a battle of constant worrying which I am sure is true for any parent.
Infertility will always be a part of my story. I will always have that experience as something that has impacted my life. I know it has been for the very best as I now have two of the world’s greatest blessings in my life. All of the tears and heartache were so worth it to get to where I am today. I will #honormystory by sharing how pregnancy has impacted my emotions after dealing with infertility.
Infertility will always be a part of my story.
If you find yourself pregnant after dealing with infertility, fearful that something will always go wrong, scared to look to the future, unable to feel the true excitement that a pregnancy brings, know you are not alone. I have been there. I know your self doubt and fear. Speak happiness over your pregnancy and healing over your body. God has you in the palm of his hand and will hold you through your trials.
You are worthy of this pregnancy! You are a true warrior! You are loved!
Psalm 113:9 He settles the barren women in her home as a joyful mother of children.